Online dating psychos
One reader said to me recently, “Natalie, at first when I told guys to go away because they couldn’t give me what I want, it hurt!
But a few months on, I am so much more confident because every single last one of these guys, from the ones that approached me online to the ones I met at functions, turned out to be exactly the type of guy I need to stay away from.
Instead of flip flapping and being reactive to every thought and feeling that passes through you, be considered and think about things in the wider context.
Yes you may feel lonely/horny/missing him and yada, yada, yada, but then you can counterbalance it by getting real.
While we all have baggage, it’s best to go into relationships either with hand baggage, or your 30kg worth that’s on its way to shrinking.
The idea is that in being in a relationship with good foundations and love, trust, care and respect, some of your load shrinks to reflect a you that’s made peace with these issues.
Not making a decision means that you will be uncomfortable living off the illusion that somehow or other, the other person will do whatever is needed.
A few days ago someone asked me, how am I supposed to trust him again?
I’ve come across many people who profess to love someone and are super keen to stay in the relationship but they can’t trust that person.
At the end of the day, the fact that you get trapped in your feelings, indecision, and inaction feeds into the distrust you feel.
If you have boundaries and you make a decision based on the fact that your boundaries are being crossed and disrespected, you know that the decision you made is right because their behaviour is unacceptable for the relationship.
We either go in full of distrust, have that distrust proved, but keep trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and project our love on them and miraculously expect them to change – I love you anyway so you should not only love me too but automatically change your behaviour.