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It’s very important to understand that these repetitive thoughts — going over and over in your mind like a broken record — are, in fact, representations of your worst fear about the present and the future, not the past.Ironically, you’re not really bothered by any specific ex-lovers in your partner’s past at all; you’re afraid of what they represent.Would you still be struggling with overcoming retroactive jealousy in the same way about this past event?Judgment can play havoc with the day-to-day life of your relationship.Do you get upset about your girlfriend’s sexual past?
For example, I once viewed Emma’s sexual behavior before she met me as promiscuous, but I also questioned her choice of sexual partner during this phase in her life as well.Retroactive or retrospective jealousy is just a manifestation in the mind of its own worst fears regarding the relationship.So, if you’re a man, what’s the worst possible thing you can imagine your girlfriend or wife doing to you? If you’re female, by the way, the worst thing you can probably imagine your guy doing is falling in love with someone else.The other part of this fear is wrapped up in how you think your partner about their past lovers and experiences.In some way you fear that if your partner still holds a warm and fuzzy spot in their heart for a previous lover, then that would mean they’re not completely 100% yours in some way.
For men, this often means viewing your partner’s past sex life as “slutty.” i.e.